can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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