You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
