I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
