I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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