I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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