Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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