ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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