I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i love accidental penises.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
