He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
worst night to have a conscience
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
