the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
