so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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