He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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