Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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