I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
