i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm like, not good at living.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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