He told me they were just razor bumps!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
