I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
