the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
