So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
