last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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