Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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