I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
