Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
