You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
