Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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