so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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