Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
