I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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