This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
