You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And then he peed in my hair
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