Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
