remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
