I faked an abortion last night.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
