I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
