I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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