How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
