Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
