Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I died a long time ago.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
