The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
