We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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