my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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