I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
false alarm, still single
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
