My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
