Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
