I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
