If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
