so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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