whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
