I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
