I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
